Living in nature, Part 2
I figured out that there’s a term for what it is that I’m wanting to learn about living in nature: bushcraft. And it turns out that possibly the best bushcraft school in the country is right here in New England.
"We’re a bushcraft school and traditional Maine guide service based on a riverside homestead in Masardis, Maine. Unlike the large, national outdoor schools, our focus isn’t on traveling through the wilderness as an outsider or tourist using high-tech gear as an umbilical cord back to town. Instead we teach traditional bushcraft skills and nature lore that immerse you into the bush without a buffer, through which you learn that you’re an active part of the natural world, not an observer."
Very interesting…
August 15th, 2008 at 9:35 am
Oh man, I totally want to do that but it’s prohibitively expensive. Maybe I can save a bit…
August 15th, 2008 at 11:36 am
It also sounds very compelling to me–especially the yearlong immersive program. Still, I would probably have to attend the program in segments because of school.
Unfortunately, they have priced it entirely beyond my means, so I’ll have to add it to my list of “wishful thinking.”
August 15th, 2008 at 11:42 am
In the immortal words of Lewis Black, “I will repeat it…because it bears repeating.”
After somewhat thoroughly perusing the website, I concede that does look like an interesting and potentially transformative program.
- but -
Hear me now:
If you freak out in the throes of self-destructive idealism and burn all your money and trek across country to eventually live in an abandoned bus from the 1960’s in the Alaskan wilderness and subsequently freeze/starve to death on the aforementioned bus because you ate the wrong damn berry, the following measures will be taken:
1) I will travel to the Haiti to find a shamanic priest well versed in voodoo-type magic.
2) I will buy the shaman a high-quality parka.
3) I will travel to Alaska with the adequately insulated shaman, find your god-forsaken bus, and collect your wrinkly, frozen, ice-man-cometh remains.
4) I will ask the shaman to kindly resurrect you, leaving you technically sort-of alive, largely conscious and aware of your surroundings, though still in a befuddled and highly suggestible state. (yeah, that’s right, you’re a fuckin’ zombie.)
4b) Please bear in mind, the eating of brains will not be tolerated. You will be given one warning, after which you will be muzzled.
5) We will then travel to the State University of New York at Oswego, where you will be joining the 2009 pledge class of Sigma Delta Phi. A toga will be provided.
6) After six weeks of “keggers,” “paddlings”, and other initiatory rites, including, but not limited to, a night in the student infirmary recovering from alcohol poisoning, frostbite due to compulsory shoeless three am jogs, and an uncomfortable burning sensation acquired as a result of deflowering 49 highly unattractive “virgins,” your debt will be considered repaid and you will be permitted to leave campus.
7) You will be granted safe travel and escort to the tourist-infested sub-tropical resort of your choosing. (Brains continue to be unavailable as a culinary option.)
8b.) In the unfortunate event that you remain, despite my best efforts, “undead,” you will be hand-delivered to the nearest Wall-Mart SuperCenter, where you will be outfitted with a red vest and forced to repeat “Welcome to Wall-Mart” every 4.3 seconds for the rest of eternity, or until the biblical apocalypse.*
(*note: In the case of mass post-apocalyptic social derangement, the eating of brains will be permitted.)
So, you know, basically, what I’m saying is, before you go traipsing off into the woods with a compass, a carabiner, and a dream, THINK IT THROUGH. Maybe even twice.
August 19th, 2008 at 5:26 pm
I’ve never been able to find the thermostat in the woods. Also, me and many insects and arachnids simply don’t get along. If only the outdoors had central heating and air…cest la vie.
August 22nd, 2008 at 6:42 pm
A curious follow-up for this one: I found some videos showing some of their classes and whatnot and got my first good look at the owner/main trainer. The dude is fat. Not pleasantly squishy fat, but fairly obese. I just can’t imagine that he’s living the homesteading/outdoors lifestyle all that seriously and still manage to keep on that kind of weight. So I’m rather off of the whole Jack Mountain thing.
November 8th, 2008 at 7:26 pm
dude… Melissa’s right. right and HILARIOUS.